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[edit] HETFET - News Release[edit] AUGUSTINE CONVICTED OF TROLL CRUELTY(May 31) - (direct link) The ongoing war for troll rights takes another step forward, at the expense of Augustine Pharmaceuticals, the makers of the immensely anticipated anti-aging medication Uthyntrol. In what is surely a landmark victory, Augustine was convicted on seven counts of felony cruelty for using troll marrow as the “secret ingredient” in their new line of anti-aging products. In his closing statement, a notable District Judge thanked the organization known as HETFET for their vigilance, and admonished the entire Board of Augustine Pharmaceuticals for their “willful and unrepentant disregard for life–troll or otherwise”, ordering them to immediately cease production and destroy all inventory containing troll-based components. |
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