[edit] HETFET - News Release

[edit] HETFET EXPOSES AUGUSTINE TROLL ABUSE

(May 15)

Augustine Pharmaceuticals never knew what hit them.

Mariska Herring seemed like just another research assistant. For three months she worked with a team of scientists to improve the efficacy of Augustine’s best-selling anti-aging formula, Uthyntrol. In those three months she proved to be well-educated, bright, hard working, and friendly; just the sort of lab tech that Augustine dreams about. Unfortunately for them, she became their worst nightmare.

Unbeknownst to Augustine Pharmaceuticals, Herring worked undercover for the activist group Humans for the Ethical Treatment of Fairies, Elves, and Trolls (HETFET). Her mission was simple: infiltrate and document anything suspicious regarding any “mystical creature.”

At first her mission appeared to be headed nowhere, bearing little fruit in the initial three months. Then late one recent night, while clandestinely exploring Augustine’s grounds, she stumbled upon something horrific — a secret underground troll farm beneath a massive bridge that passes over the Augustine compound. There she learned that Augustine was breeding trolls for their own ill purposes, often in cramped and unsanitary conditions.

For days, Herring fought her impulse to blow the whistle on Augustine. Instead she diligently documented the handling of the trolls as they were undernourished, physically abused by their handlers, and subjected to strange tests using Silver Nitrate. And just when she was ready to turn her research over to HETFET, she discovered the most horrifying truth of all — that Augustine was breeding trolls in their labs and then systematically destroying them. Why? Because the ultra-secret active ingredient used in making Uthyntrol was, believe it or not, troll marrow!

Horrified, she continued her investigation, and ultimately acquired shocking files that coldly described Augustine technicians surgically removing bone marrow from baby trolls… who sadly did not survive the procedure. Unbelievably, the men callously left this small pack of infants to die in their cramped holding hovels, their shocked mothers bearing witness to the atrocity. Having endured enough, Mariska disappeared from the job the following day and returned to HETFET to disclose her find.

A month later, her espionage work surfaced as the centerpiece in HETFET’s evidence against Augustine Pharmaceuticals. This evidence quickly caught the attention of the Columbus County District Attorney’s Office. Said District Attorney Agatha N. Olan, “Their [Augustine’s] actions are as inhumane and despicable as it gets. Rest assured this office will be bringing forth felony charges against them.”

On Sunday morning the Columbus Police Department, armed with a warrant, stormed the research facility, shutting down the entire complex. The District Court then ordered Augustine to immediately halt all Uthyntrol production and sales, while formal charges are pending.

[edit] HETFET EXPOSES AUGUSTINE TROLL ABUSE (Updated)

(May 17)

Augustine Pharmaceuticals never knew what hit them.

Mariska Herring seemed like just another research assistant. For three months she worked with a team of scientists to improve the efficacy of Augustine’s best-selling anti-aging formula, Uthyntrol. In those three months she proved to be well-educated, bright, hard working, and friendly; just the sort of lab tech that Augustine dreams about. Unfortunately for them, she became their worst nightmare.

Unbeknownst to Augustine Pharmaceuticals, Herring worked undercover for the activist group Humans for the Ethical Treatment of Fairies, Elves, and Trolls (HETFET). Her mission was simple: infiltrate and document anything suspicious regarding any “mystical creature.”

At first her mission appeared to be headed nowhere, bearing little fruit in the initial three months. Then late one recent night, while clandestinely exploring Augustine’s grounds, she stumbled upon something horrific — a secret underground troll farm beneath a massive bridge that passes over the Augustine compound. There she learned that Augustine was breeding trolls for their own ill purposes, often in cramped and unsanitary conditions.

For days, Herring fought her impulse to blow the whistle on Augustine. Instead she diligently documented the handling of the trolls as they were undernourished, physically abused by their handlers, and subjected to strange tests using Silver Nitrate. And just when she was ready to turn her research over to HETFET, she discovered the most horrifying truth of all — that Augustine was breeding trolls in their labs and then systematically destroying them. Why? Because the ultra-secret active ingredient used in making Uthyntrol was, believe it or not, troll marrow!

Horrified, she continued her investigation, and ultimately acquired shocking files that coldly described Augustine technicians surgically removing bone marrow from baby trolls… who sadly did not survive the procedure. Unbelievably, the men callously left this small pack of infants to die in their cramped holding hovels, their shocked mothers bearing witness to the atrocity. Having endured enough, Mariska disappeared from the job the following day and returned to HETFET to disclose her find.

A month later, her espionage work surfaced as the centerpiece in HETFET’s evidence against Augustine Pharmaceuticals. This evidence quickly caught the attention of the Columbus County District Attorney’s Office. Said District Attorney AGatha N. Olan, “Their [Augustine’s] actions are as inhumane and despicable as it gets. Rest assured this office will be bringing forth felony charges against them.”

On Sunday morning the Columbus Police Department, armed with a warrant, stormed the research facility, shutting down the entire complex. The District Court then ordered Augustine to immediately halt all Uthyntrol production and sales, while formal charges are pending.

  • The updated version now links to the Uthyntrol website and a minor change is observed in the name Agatha N. Olan.